Thursday, August 23, 2012

World's Worst Headline? Maybe So

I don't want to go over the top in my description, but I saw a headline recently that I would be proud to nominate for the dubious distinction of being the "World's Worst Headline."

A good headline needs to capture the attention of readers in such a way that they will want to read the entire article; it needs to tantalize or tease them a bit in some way. The headline ought to supply information that allows the reader to know what the article is about in a concise, efficient manner.  That means certain words will be omitted and some grammatical constructions may be revised, making them sound different from everyday speech.

The bottom line, though, is that the headline needs to communicate effectively, ideally with one and only one reading, and that is where my nomination for the World's Worst Headline fell absolutely flat.  When I saw this, I read it through half a dozen times without understanding for certain who did what, or thought what, or was where why or when.  I took it upon myself to try to understand it without reading the article, but I failed and finally broke down and had a look.

If you have already seen this, or heard a report about the incident, the headline may not strike you the way it did me at first. If you haven't, see how long it takes you to figure out the meaning.

Woman Thought Bound Child in Walmart Lot Abducted

Keep in mind, at the time you first see this you have no idea what the headline is about.  Among the guesses that I came up with during my initial moments of confusion were these:
  • A woman was thought to be bound (tied up); a child in the Walmart parking lot was abducted.
  • A woman who was thought to be bound for (heading in the direction of) a child in the Walmart parking lot was abducted (that is, the woman was abducted).
  • A woman who was thought to have bound (tied up) a child in the Walmart parking lot was abducted.
  • A woman thought that a bound (tied-up) child in the Walmart parking lot abducted something or someone - but whom?
  • A woman was thought to have have bound a child in Walmart, and the lot (meaning either the whole group or a place to park) was abducted.
Did you possibly notice that nearly all of my guesses considered thought to be the verb's passive voice past participle describing something about the woman, rather than an active verb in the past tense showing what she was doing?  That is because in headlines, a verb is often omitted entirely; used as a command (imperative mood); used in the present tense to talk about the past; or used as a passive past participle, as I assumed this to be.  Here is a sample of headlines from today, showing each of these categories:

 

Command Form or Imperative

Get in the Game: Fantasy Football 2012
See the best RNC party invitation yet 

Verb Missing but Understood or Able to Be Inferred

Stunning drawing of Russian girl not a photograph
Trail of ink: Tracking rare tattoo-related infection
Diane's life since 'Cheers'

Active Verb in Present Tense, Possibly Referring to Past Tense

Signs point to a big Romney victory
Gawker publishes records about Romney’s investments
Dazzling map shows more than 150 years of hurricanes
Celebrity Chef loses 120 lb. 

Past Participle Used to Substitute for a Passive Voice, Present or Past Tense Construction

Swift [was] confronted about song
New AIDS-like disease [was or has been] found
Mom [has been or was] released in son's death
MyFord Touch System [was or has been] panned
Wildfire [...] slowed in California, still threatens homes

This last example is unique in the list because it can logically mean either that the wildfire was slowed  (because of weather or the efforts of others, for example) - a past tense passive - or it could mean that the wildfire slowed of its own accord (an intransitive verb) . This latter possibility, the more likely one, is an active voice verb in the past tense.  It works in this headline, because both interpretations convey the same essential meaning: the wildfire is slower now than it was before. (Can't you sort of hear the editor's voice in your head, "Read more to find out why..."?)  

Confusing Meanings 

Another problem with the World's Worst Headline is the use of words that have multiple meanings, primarily in this instance the word bound, which can mean tied up, moving in a direction towards (bound for), or even to move in a bouncing manner.  This would not have been quite so confusing if I the reader had not already been set up for confusion by that word thought. It turns out that thought was used as an active voice, past tense verb. Finally, the word abducted could refer to a past event or to something that was happening at the same time as some other verb in the headline (in this case, thought).  And it could be either passive (the child had been abducted) or active (the child abducted something or someone).   After I gave up trying to decode the headline and read the article, I learned that it meant this:  

A woman was of the opinion (she thought) that a tied-up (bound) child in the Walmart parking lot was the victim of an abduction.

The best protection against a terrible headline is to request a reading of it from someone who has no idea what topic you have been researching or the events about which you've been writing, so that they can see it for the first time without any preconceived notions - just like your readers out in the wide, wide world will see it.

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